I am so done with winter

Posted by Big Rat on Campus on Feb 26, 2015 in Rat News | Subscribe

I’m done.

I’m done with fleece leggings layered under fleece pants tucked into grungy winter boots in supposedly high-tech, formerly waterproof winter fabrics (I suppose there’s only so much wear any garment can take). I’m done with my black, floor-length winter coat, streaked with salt stains and reeking of sweat and deep-winter despair. I’m done with kicking chunks of black ice out from under my car tires and from the grating sound of scraping ice off the INSIDE of my windshield.

I will no longer pile on 7,000 layers to take the dog out for a walk because it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference anyway. When the wind chill drops below -30, the only reasonable thing to do is grab another human or a box of leftover Valentine’s Day chocolate from the discount bin at Fortinos and hunker down in front of the TV until there’s even a glimpse of hope. A ray of warming sun. A snow-free day. A temperature high of -5.

Well, guess what, people? It ain’t happening any time soon. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this wind chill insanity will carry on into the weekend, at which point we will get a temperature reprieve. And then it will snow. A lot. Because of course it will.

So I’m done with people who refer to their umpteen layers of foundation undergarments as “cosy” and “cute” and “winter fun.” We’re way past that now, OK? Give it up. This isn’t November when we could still hold out hope for a reasonably mild and short winter. And please, please, please shut it with all your cheeriness and optimism. You’re making the rest of us feel guilty for hating the air we breathe.

Perhaps the weather is making me a titch grumpy. Perhaps I do suffer from mild Seasonal Affective Disorder. Maybe spending an afternoon in the tropical greenhouse at Gage Park or the Royal Botanical Gardens would help. So might a trip to Aruba, for that matter.

Or maybe, as I mentioned at the beginning, I’m just done. Are you done with winter? If you’re not, I don’t want to hear about it, so please keep it to yourself. This is not a negotiation or a debate like, say, whether or not you loved Lady Gaga’s gloves at the Oscars on Sunday (that’s a trick because of course we love to hate them).

So what can we do to make it through the next few weeks? The trip to Aruba is off the table? Well, that’s OK I guess. House of Cards Season 3 will be available for binge-watching on Netflix starting on Friday. That’s one day.

The aforementioned greenhouses? The RBG also has that cute frog exhibit. That’s another day.

Oh, and the story about the woman who tried to sneak her pet rats into the courthouse is pure entertainment for days and days. (The rats wanted an outing? The witness ratted out the defendant? Were they some kind of message? Were the rats appropriately dressed for the weather? Can rats survive in the cold or is that why they were packed into the hood of her coat? Do they sell tiny winter garments for rodents? And if they do, will rats wear them or will they chew them off?)

The dog, an annoyingly cheery optimist who loves winter, is begging me with her eyes to please go outside to inhale the icy air and writhe enthusiastically on the frozen ground. It was cute until January. It’s not anymore. But on a sunny day, a walk in the Dundas Valley is pretty good, too.

So I’m off to find my fleece leggings. And maybe when we meet again next week, we’ll be able to glimpse a sliver of springtime hope.

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