Could This Brutally Cruel Alternate ‘Friends’ Theory BE Any More Depressing?

Posted by Big Rat on Campus on Oct 26, 2015 in Rat News | Subscribe



In August, the Internet went a little nutty when a dark alternate Friends theory surfaced. The theory painted the beloved Phoebe Buffay as (according to Monica, Ross, Joey, Rachel, and Chanandler Bong Chandler Bing) “the crazy lady who always stares at us.” The revised story further held that Phoebe imagined the entirety of the series in her meth-addled mind, and she was really a homeless person who slept by the opening-credits fountain. The very thought of this fan favorite falling on hard times was heartbreaking.

Not too long after this warped theory surfaced, writer D.F. Lovett conjured up a different theory, which is going belatedly viral. Media outlets are saying the new take is incredibly sad, but that it makes sense in a mind-blowing way. The new theory paints Ross in a negative light, which means it does more than make fun of him for visiting a pediatrician and playing with dinosaurs.

Highlights of the theory include the claim that Ross is a deadbeat dad because his son, Ben, disappears in season eight, never to be seen again:

“Sure, he mentions Ben in these last two and a half seasons, but does he have any role in Ben’s life? When he references Ben, is he referencing something that once was, a child he no longer sees or knows? Think about everything we know about Ross. He’s very jealous. He’s possessive. He’s arguably emotionally abusive. He believes in the friend zone … and, as the seasons unfold, narrowing down to the ending where he and Rachel end up ostensibly happy every after, he seems to be coming completely unhinged.”

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